


The Middle Men

by suitesamba



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Light Bondage, M/M, Public Sex, Sex Toys, Threesome - F/M/M, Threesome - M/M/M, Voyeurism, cross dressing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-27
Updated: 2012-12-27
Packaged: 2017-11-22 14:35:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/610887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suitesamba/pseuds/suitesamba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Severus run into each other in a Muggle pub on Christmas Eve and find that they like the same thing – Weasleys.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Middle Men

**Author's Note:**

> All tags/warnings are for implied activities.

_December 24th_

“Potter.”

Harry, busy squinting at his currently not-so-smart phone trying to read a text from Hermione, looked up. He blinked. If he didn’t already know it was absolutely impossible, since the man in front of him was obviously at the Burrow with Charlie, he would have thought Severus Snape was standing there with a full pint glass in one hand and a Tesco shopping bag in the other.

“You look like Snape,” he said, frowning and tilting his head to one side.

“And you look like Harry Potter,” Snape retorted. “But you are not, as the real Harry Potter is most definitely at the Burrow with Ginevra.” He put the shopping bag on the chair across from Harry and took out a pocket watch and glanced at it. “In fact, he is, at this exact time, down on one knee in front of her with her admiring family looking on, proposing marriage in front of a lopsided twelve-foot tall Christmas tree glowing with fairy lights and with a garden gnome painted gold perched on top.”

“She broke it off, Snape. Don’t tell me you don’t know. You’re quite a fixture with the Weasleys now, aren’t you? You pounced right in when I broke it off with Charlie, didn’t you? You were in his bed before he had a chance to wash the sheets.”

“I did no such thing. I was seeing Percy at the time, as you well know. I only began seeing Charlie when Percy and Penelope decided to try to reconcile.” He frowned at Harry and took a long draw from his glass. “And if you wanted Charlie so much yourself, you shouldn’t have abandoned him when he and Ginevra started that pissing match over you.”

“Charlie was being a prick!” Harry protested. His mobile vibrated, shaking the table. Snape looked at it with distaste. Harry picked it up and shook it, then frowned and dropped it back on the table. “I mean, George was _months_ before him. Get over it, already!”

“I have nothing to get over,” muttered Snape as he kicked out the chair next to Harry and sat down.

“Not you. Charlie.” Harry picked up his glass, regarded it with sadness then held up a finger to signal for another.

“What Weasleys _haven’t_ you slept with?” asked Snape.

“What kind of question is _that_?” asked Harry, looking sidelong at Snape. “And how are you defining ‘sleep with’?”

Snape stared at him and lifted an eyebrow.

“Well, Percy…”

“That’s it? Percy? You’re slept with Ronald? Your best friend?”

Harry squirmed uncomfortably. “Once. Ages ago. And it’s really none of your business, Snape…”

“And Bill? As I recall, he married the summer after your sixth year. I am assuming, then, that your conquest of this particular Weasley was more recent and involved his lovely wife as well.”

“How did you…?” Harry stared at Snape over his glass. He narrowed his eyes. “No. Not you too? When?”

Snape shrugged one shoulder, almost as if working out a sore muscle. “I don’t kiss and tell.”

“He let you kiss her?” Harry rose up slightly out of his seat.

Severus smirked.

“I watched them first, from the closet, before I joined them,” Harry admitted.

Severus swallowed. His finger twitched on his glass. “Indeed?” He could not hide his interest.

“Indeed,” said Harry with a smile. “Well, you haven’t had Ginny,” he said. “Or Ron. So even if you have had Bill, Charlie and Percy…”

“And George,” contributed Severus.

“Well, that goes without saying, doesn’t it?” said Harry. “George had made his way through the Order twice before I was old enough to keep him out of Azkaban.”

“Are you determined to marry into that family?” asked Severus. “Because if you are, you’re going about it all wrong.”

“I suppose I could ask you the same question,” said Harry, rather smugly, “and make the same statement.”

Neither answered the other’s question. They drank in silence for a few more minutes. Severus finished his pint and called for another. He went through that one as they sat in silent Weasley cast-off camaraderie. Snape had started another before he spoke again.

“Percy,” he said, clearing his throat. “Percy was by far the best.” He looked at Harry as if evaluating his readiness for what was to come. “He enjoyed bottoming,” he whispered. “He was quite…submissive.”

Harry drummed his fingers against the table, considering Snape’s statement. “Charlie,” he said at last with a sigh. “Charlie liked to top. He couldn’t stand to be penetrated. Took me hard every time. He could make me come without touching my cock.”

Their eyes met and held, then Harry dropped his as Severus spoke.

“And George? What did you think…?”

“George loved oral sex,” said Harry with a vague smile. “And since I don’t have a gag reflex…”

Again, their eyes met. Snape swallowed.

“No gag reflex?” he mused. “An interesting…feature.”

Harry nodded as he looked at his woefully empty pint glass. “Another?” he asked Severus, who nodded. Harry signaled the waitress.

“Ginny,” he said when he was well into his newest pint, his voice low, his eyes wide and pupils dilated. “Ginny loved to tie me up. Fuck, she had the softest rope, coils and coils of it, and silk scarves.” He shuddered. Snape watched him, fingers white around his pint glass.

“Bill,” Snape countered, his voice catching. He lowered it to a near whisper. “Bill came to bed in Fleur’s silk kimono.” Harry’s mouth opened but he closed it and bit his bottom lip. “When he took it off, he was wearing…he was wearing her knickers.”

Harry hissed out a low breath. “He let me wear them,” he admitted, oh so quietly.

They both shifted uncomfortably on their chairs. Harry looked around furtively as if someone in this Muggle pub near the Leaky might possibly recognize them.

“George loved to be paddled,” Severus said. He was staring at Harry with intent, dark eyes.

“Oh.” Harry swallowed. “I wonder…” he began. He took a long drink of liquid courage. “I wonder if he would have let you paddle him in those silk knickers.” He chanced a look at Snape.

Snape’s forehead had a slight sheen of perspiration on it. “I always wanted to fuck him in a public place,” he said. “Behind the counter at the Diagon Alley shop on a slow day while his ex -wife was minding the till.” He watched Harry intently as Harry visibly squirmed. “Percy,” he continued. “Percy once let me take him on his parents’ bed while Molly was downstairs cooking dinner.”

“No….” said Harry. It was more moan than protest.

“I did not allow him to lock the door,” Snape confided. “I was ready with an _obliviate_.”

“Did Charlie ever…did he ever show you his…toys?” Harry’s voice had dropped to a conspiratorial whisper.

“Ah, his _collection_ ,” said Snape. He leaned back in his chair a bit. “It was purely academic with us, of course, being as we had the same…proclivities…except for the one time he brought a classmate of yours home for the evening. You do remember Neville Longbottom, do you not?”

“Neville?” Harry’s voice was so low Snape had to lean in to hear him. His hand shook as he lifted his glass. He gulped it and choked, coughing.

“Longbottom’s wife thought he wasn’t adventurous enough in bed. Neville came to Charlie for advice.” Snape nearly purred. “I was fortunate enough to help…initiate…him.” He narrowed his eyes, staring at Harry as Harry’s pupil’s dilated. “Mr. Longbottom is not to know I was Mr. X,” he warned Harry. “He was blindfolded the entire time.”

“Blindfolded?” Harry’s eyes glistened. He leaned in.

“He enjoyed Big Ben more than I thought he would have, considering his…inexperience.”

“Big Ben? You mean the purple one? With the…?”

“Indeed.”

Harry stood. “I’d better be getting along…”

Snape stared at the prominent bulge in Harry’s jeans. He fiddled with his empty glass then pulled a well-worn wallet out of his pocket and dropped a Muggle note on the table. 

“I believe we’ve discussed the Weasleys long enough,” he said. “Do you agree it’s time we cut out the middle man in this relationship?”

Harry shifted uncomfortably from one leg to the other. “It’s not a relationship, Snape,” he said carefully.

“Call me Severus,” said Snape with a pleased little smile. “Now, it would look unseemly if we walked into the loo together,” he said firmly. He indicated the direction of the loo with a nod to the side. “Go on. I’ll join you shortly.”

Harry stared. 

“You’re serious.”

Snape nodded again toward the loo and quirked an eyebrow at Harry.

“You want me to walk through a crowded Muggle pub with a hard on the size of Westminster Abbey and lock myself in the loo?”

“Lock yourself in? Oh no, Harry. I don’t believe we’ll be locking the door, will we?”

Harry stared at Severus for a long moment, then gave a quick shake of his head.

“No,” he said, a smile beginning to twitch at the corners of his mouth. “I suppose we won’t.”

He turned and made his way through the crowd toward the loo and after waiting just exactly long enough, Severus followed.

_Fin_


End file.
